My Father’s Eyes

October 18, 2023

Though I don’t remember the moment I was born, I can imagine what it was like. I’m torn from the place of darkness and warmth I had been slumbering in for nine months and placed in a cold, bright place. My eyes hurt. They aren’t used to light. My throat hurts. I’m not used to crying. Hands are all over me—there are someone’s fingers down my throat, and someone is taking clamps to my belly button. 


This is uncomfortable. I don’t wish to be uncomfortable. Change is not fun. Change is not good. It’s human nature to hate change, and I firmly believe that stems from this moment. Birth. This change is painful, awkward, and cold. But when the gunk is wiped from my eyes, I see something for the first time. Blue. 


I don’t know what it is at first. Blue is all I know. But then I realize it’s my father’s eyes. He is the first one I see. 


As I grow, the man who owns those blue eyes buys me my first blue pacifier. Later, he helps me learn to ride a blue bike. He comes to all of my middle school basketball games and smiles when he sees my blue jersey that has the number “47” on the back. That’s an ode to an inside joke he and I have. When I graduate eighth grade, he helps me place my blue graduation cap on my head properly. Some mornings in the summer, he takes me on the boat to breakfast, and we laugh while sailing the blue waves. 


Things are different now. Things have changed. His blonde hair is graying. My tiny hands have grown bigger. I don’t have a pacifier anymore. I know how to ride a bike. I don’t play basketball anymore, and I’m in college. 


These things could scare me; change is uncomfortable, remember? But if birth taught me anything, it’s that, though scary, change is inevitable. Change is good. Change is what gave me life, helped me to grow, and made my relationship with my father develop from a big man holding a tiny baby to a woman and man who are best friends. 


Besides, not everything has changed. Dad still has those same blue eyes. 


And even if one day, I’m not able to look into his eyes anymore, all I have to do is glance in the mirror. I have the same ones. 


Danielle Koziol has been an avid writer since she could hold a pencil. Currently, she’s 20 years old and aiming to traditionally publish her work in progress, a new adult romantasy novel, Wings of Ash and Ember. In addition, she’s presently pursuing a public relations and creative writing degree at university. When Danielle isn’t writing, she’s drinking chai, attending classes, reading fantasy or romance books, or spending time with her dog Ruby. To follow her writing and publishing journey, and to learn more about her book, follow her on Instagram and TikTok at @AuthorDanielleKoziol.

Featured image by ian dooley on Unsplash