You Wish You Knew

May 2, 2024

You wish you knew the number of times that I have thought about you, the times that I daydreamed about us kissing. You wish you knew when I started to like you, to think of you as something more than a friend. You wish you knew how much I was willing to give up in order to love you and to be loved by you.

You wish you knew how much I was really into you, how I liked your smile, your humor, even your passive aggressive comments. When you would text me talking about how I was a great girl and deserved someone good.

And now you know. You know that I loved you, but I don’t anymore. You wish you knew then how much I loved you so we could’ve tried stargazing together, played those video games you talked about, ended those Facetime calls saying, “I love you.” You wish you knew so I would’ve given you the rose on that stage. You wish you knew so we could’ve held hands, gotten to know each other more, and maybe made out on the couch of your room. Maybe we could’ve gone on a long walk, and maybe you would’ve kissed me that night when you had the chance. You could’ve  asked me on a date, and I would’ve said yes. You wish you knew so you could’ve taken a chance to ask me more times to dance with you, to say more goodnights and maybe add a kiss in there.

You wish you knew so that you wouldn’t have freaked out when I was hanging out with another boy. You wish you knew to actually act jealous instead of getting frustrated and hanging up the phone. You wish you knew so that day I might have left with you, maybe then I would’ve taken you with me on a Friday night, invited you to eat with me for lunch, came to you when I was feeling bad, or asked you to buy me food when I was feeling sick—instead of another guy. 

You wish you knew so I would’ve said yes every single time that you wanted me close. I was shy, I know, and I wish you knew too because I wanted to be honest and not act like I didn’t have words to say. I had a lot of things I wanted to share with you, but I never did. You wish you knew so you would’ve known more, so you could’ve bought me flowers and taken long night drives while blasting music to feel the vibe. 

All of these things I wished for once too, but I don’t wish for them anymore.

 

Paz Morales Saldías, best known as Bee, originally from Chile. She has been writing her whole life, from short stories to poetry to fiction to non-fiction. She is 21 years old and is currently pursuing a Communication degree. When Bee is not writing or studying she finds happiness in going on long walks, blasting music in her headphones, and finding inspiration in everyday life.

 

Featured image by Brooke Cagle.

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