The Son of Who?

December 27, 2023

MARY, JOSEPH, SHEEP ONE, SHEEP TWO, and COW are in a stable. MARY has just given birth and is holding her newborn baby. COW is facing away, while all others are gathered around MARY swaddling the baby.

MARY and JOSEPH can’t hear the sheep talking though the audience can hear and understand their conversation.

A baby cries.

SHEEP ONE

Uh oh.

SHEEP TWO

She’s just had a baby.

SHEEP ONE

Why can’t she keep that mongrel quiet?

SHEEP TWO

Its horrible human bleating is giving me a ba-ha-ha-had headache. I’m serious, like a real ba-ha-ha-ha-had one.

MARY

I have fallen so weak.

JOSEPH

Mary, are you unwell?

MARY

I cannot carry him.

JOSEPH

Lay him in the trough.

MARY lays the baby in the trough filled with hay.

SHEEP ONE 

(sarcastically)

Oh, no, it’s fine, feel free to lay your baby right down in my dinner.

SHEEP TWO

This man can’t carry his own baby? Lay him in the trough? Seriously?

SHEEP ONE

How about being a da-ha-ha-had to your own kid?

MARY 

(concerned)

But, won’t the hay be harsh on his skin?

JOSEPH

No, the hay will keep him warm.

SHEEP TWO

You better hope that baby doesn’t have a hay allergy.

SHEEP ONE

He’ll break out in hives all over. It won’t be pretty. I’ve seen it happen to a ton of you humans. 

SHEEP TWO

You’d better hope his throat doesn’t swell shut.

SHEEP ONE

I ca-ha-ha-han’t believe how inconsiderate they’re being. Maybe the kid breaking out in a full body rash would teach these parents a lesson. 

SHEEP TWO

Right? How do you think these humans would feel if we walked right into their house and laid a lamb right down on their dining table?

SHEEP ONE

Exactly. They’d probably be pretty ma-ha-ha-ha-had.

JOSEPH

And his name?

MARY

Jesus, as he was called by God. He is the son of God.

SHEEP TWO

Wait, are you hearing this? So apparently it’s not even this guy’s kid?

SHEEP ONE

Oh, that poor da-ha-ha-had.

JOSEPH

Yes! Jesus! He is to be called Jesus!

MARY

Jesus! Our son!

JOSEPH

Away in a manger.

MARY

On such a silent night.

JOSEPH

A holy night.

MARY

Oh come, Emmanuel.

JOSEPH

I saw three ships earlier.

SHEEP ONE

I think they’re about to break into song.

SHEEP TWO

They better not.

MARY 

(reaching out to Joseph)

Bless you.

SHEEP ONE

I didn’t hear him sneeze.

SHEEP TWO

I didn’t either.

JOSEPH 

(to MARY)

Bless you, too. And the baby.

SHEEP ONE

Must be the hay allergy.

SHEEP TWO

We predicted it.

JOSEPH

Mary, God be with you.

MARY

And also with you.

SHEEP ONE

And also with you.

SHEEP TWO

And also with you.

A chorus begins to sing “Angels We Have Heard On High” from offstage.

JOSEPH

Do you hear that?

MARY

Such a beautiful sound! We must go to it!

SHEEP ONE

Got that right. Take your hairless monstrosity and go. 

JOSEPH

Follow the voices! Such a sweet, sweet sound!

MARY and JOSEPH exit.

SHEEP TWO

Yeah, right! I’ve heard sweeter sounds come out of a donkey’s ass.

COW turns around and enters the scene.

COW

Quit your complaining. Looks like they’re mooo-oooooo-ooooooving along.

SHEEP ONE

Baah-aah!

SHEEP TWO

Bah-ah-ah-ah-aahhh-ah!

SHEEP ONE

Bah-ah-aahh!

SHEEP TWO

Baaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaaah!

End scene

Gillian Corsiatto hails from Alberta, Canada, right between two major cities: Calgary and Edmonton. She has been a lifelong writer, and her first book Duck Light was published in 2021. Since then, she has been motivated to keep at her writing and further it into an established career, even branching out into writing for the theatre. Currently, a sequel to Duck Light is underway, but she still pumps out scripts and short stories whenever an idea creeps into her mind. You can find her mostly at her writing desk, probably with a cat in her lap, and maybe even spinning a fidget spinner. She thinks those are still cool.

 

Featured image by Sam Carter.

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