MARY, JOSEPH, SHEEP ONE, SHEEP TWO, and COW are in a stable. MARY has just given birth and is holding her newborn baby. COW is facing away, while all others are gathered around MARY swaddling the baby.
MARY and JOSEPH can’t hear the sheep talking though the audience can hear and understand their conversation.
A baby cries.
SHEEP ONE
Uh oh.
SHEEP TWO
She’s just had a baby.
SHEEP ONE
Why can’t she keep that mongrel quiet?
SHEEP TWO
Its horrible human bleating is giving me a ba-ha-ha-had headache. I’m serious, like a real ba-ha-ha-ha-had one.
MARY
I have fallen so weak.
JOSEPH
Mary, are you unwell?
MARY
I cannot carry him.
JOSEPH
Lay him in the trough.
MARY lays the baby in the trough filled with hay.
SHEEP ONE
(sarcastically)
Oh, no, it’s fine, feel free to lay your baby right down in my dinner.
SHEEP TWO
This man can’t carry his own baby? Lay him in the trough? Seriously?
SHEEP ONE
How about being a da-ha-ha-had to your own kid?
MARY
(concerned)
But, won’t the hay be harsh on his skin?
JOSEPH
No, the hay will keep him warm.
SHEEP TWO
You better hope that baby doesn’t have a hay allergy.
SHEEP ONE
He’ll break out in hives all over. It won’t be pretty. I’ve seen it happen to a ton of you humans.
SHEEP TWO
You’d better hope his throat doesn’t swell shut.
SHEEP ONE
I ca-ha-ha-han’t believe how inconsiderate they’re being. Maybe the kid breaking out in a full body rash would teach these parents a lesson.
SHEEP TWO
Right? How do you think these humans would feel if we walked right into their house and laid a lamb right down on their dining table?
SHEEP ONE
Exactly. They’d probably be pretty ma-ha-ha-ha-had.
JOSEPH
And his name?
MARY
Jesus, as he was called by God. He is the son of God.
SHEEP TWO
Wait, are you hearing this? So apparently it’s not even this guy’s kid?
SHEEP ONE
Oh, that poor da-ha-ha-had.
JOSEPH
Yes! Jesus! He is to be called Jesus!
MARY
Jesus! Our son!
JOSEPH
Away in a manger.
MARY
On such a silent night.
JOSEPH
A holy night.
MARY
Oh come, Emmanuel.
JOSEPH
I saw three ships earlier.
SHEEP ONE
I think they’re about to break into song.
SHEEP TWO
They better not.
MARY
(reaching out to Joseph)
Bless you.
SHEEP ONE
I didn’t hear him sneeze.
SHEEP TWO
I didn’t either.
JOSEPH
(to MARY)
Bless you, too. And the baby.
SHEEP ONE
Must be the hay allergy.
SHEEP TWO
We predicted it.
JOSEPH
Mary, God be with you.
MARY
And also with you.
SHEEP ONE
And also with you.
SHEEP TWO
And also with you.
A chorus begins to sing “Angels We Have Heard On High” from offstage.
JOSEPH
Do you hear that?
MARY
Such a beautiful sound! We must go to it!
SHEEP ONE
Got that right. Take your hairless monstrosity and go.
JOSEPH
Follow the voices! Such a sweet, sweet sound!
MARY and JOSEPH exit.
SHEEP TWO
Yeah, right! I’ve heard sweeter sounds come out of a donkey’s ass.
COW turns around and enters the scene.
COW
Quit your complaining. Looks like they’re mooo-oooooo-ooooooving along.
SHEEP ONE
Baah-aah!
SHEEP TWO
Bah-ah-ah-ah-aahhh-ah!
SHEEP ONE
Bah-ah-aahh!
SHEEP TWO
Baaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaaaah!
End scene
Gillian Corsiatto hails from Alberta, Canada, right between two major cities: Calgary and Edmonton. She has been a lifelong writer, and her first book Duck Light was published in 2021. Since then, she has been motivated to keep at her writing and further it into an established career, even branching out into writing for the theatre. Currently, a sequel to Duck Light is underway, but she still pumps out scripts and short stories whenever an idea creeps into her mind. You can find her mostly at her writing desk, probably with a cat in her lap, and maybe even spinning a fidget spinner. She thinks those are still cool.
Featured image by Sam Carter.
