i’m torn about having kids, i’ll admit,
it’s not just whether i’m ready for it.
it’s less about being a “good mom” or proving
i can fit some mold—
it’s more about choices, or so i’m told.
it’s less about sticking it to others’ views
or what they think i should choose.
it’s about my body, my voice, my rights,
and how i navigate these complex nights.
for it’s not just a matter of yes or no,
but the freedom to decide, to let it flow,
to claim what’s mine in this life i live,
and decide what to take and what to give.
it’s about why.
would i do it because i want to?
or because i was taught to want to?
or so that my children can “change the world”?
or to evolve past my husband’s and my wounds?
am i setting them up for a life of existential dread?
a road less traveled with a dead end ahead?
am i leaving them to a world that wants them to hang their heads?
a tale of cattle-like purpose to be bred? then leave them for dead?
it doesn’t make sense to me.
quite frankly,
it upsets me.
i just want to set them up for a life that’s easy.
not a spoon-fed life—
one without strife.
more one that allows for self-discovery
rather than fleeing treachery,
fear of being persecuted for their multifaceted selves,
looking over their shoulders through their mirror:
perpetual fugitives with admonishment looming in the rear.
i don’t want anyone’s opinions, lascivious sneers,
or to hear the judgment through their leers.
the autonomous demands of young women fall on averted eyes
and covered ears.
Kailani is an amateur writer. She writes for the love of writing. It is her sincerest form of expression—a way to put her wide-ranging ideas and life experiences into something cohesive. As a clinical therapist, she helps others find, listen to, and use their voice. And her writing is her voice. The world as she experiences it is her inspiration, and her love of personal flair fuels her style. She doesn’t think she’s to write the next great American novel, but she’s to write something. Stay curious.
Featured image by Chloe Ridgeway on Unsplash.
