I was meant to get out of that town while I was still young. Run away from the drag of a routine life that had been mapped out long before my calling. Though I kept believing in what, at the time, made me feel like I had to stay. Like I had to belong to a person, place, or thing. To my surprise, when I left, I carried few things with me. The first was myself. The second was the earth that kissed my feet as I rose each day. The third was the moon that had tucked me in safe and sound as I rested my head each night.
You see, as a child I would wander far from home. My mother would not have it, but exploration was at the centerfold of my tiny fingertips. I think as I grew and the world told me who I should be, I felt as though I must fit in somewhere. There must be some place where I belonged. I relied on other people for a sense of belonging. How selfish of me. What a heavy burden for others to bear. Other people couldn’t carry my wild. Only I could.
It didn’t have to be hard. It was quite simple. For I was met with ease at the place where I would run out of breath. I, then, took a pause for a cool drink of water. Why must I have felt the need to remain dehydrated off of life? Because sometimes it was the drag of the routine that kept me sane. Other days, I was dancing alone in my room to the sound of thunderstorms outside my window. Sometimes it was full belly laughter as the result of spending time with the best possible humans. Or ice cream while sitting on the couch watching The Holiday and crying one too many times. It was running away to lose myself just so I could find myself.
I returned to the town when I was grown. I carried a child with a much wiser mind encompassed by the body of a woman. Exploration at her centerfold. And if she were to ever misplace her own belonging in others again, I would ask her to lose herself just so she could find herself. I would ask her to do it again and again and again.
Alyssa Tepfenhart is a singer-songwriter and poet based out of Nashville, TN. Her soulful writing vividly captures life’s emotional spectrum—from pure happiness to profound longing. Through her explorations of love, loss, challenge, and authentic self-discovery, Alyssa’s work creates a sanctuary where emotions roam free and hearts find solace.
Featured image by Cedric VT.
