December 2nd
I’ve decided to start a journal to document more of these. . . I’m not sure what to call them. Dreams? Memory episodes? I don’t know how to describe it.
Anyway, today’s “episode” was triggered by me smelling breakfast. I walked into the kitchen, smelled the scrambled eggs Mom was cooking, and got that feeling I’d been here—in this exact moment—before. It’s unsettling.
December 8th
Today’s “episode” was in AP Government. I was bored and started clicking my pen. Then in my mind I saw a memory of me holding my pen and clicking it in class. This has happened before. Or I’d imagined it happening before.
These started happening in early May. But back then they were very infrequent. Maybe once or twice a month, at most. Since senior year started, they’ve been happening a lot more. A symptom of stress? If that’s the case, maybe Christmas break will cause a decrease.
December 11th
Slightly concerned I had an episode so soon after the last one. Maybe these are related to stress. This one felt very unprompted. I was sitting in the living room, doing homework. I looked up from my homework, saw our Christmas tree, and suddenly remembered sitting in that same chair, doing that same assignment, and staring at our tree at the same moment. Maybe I should research déjà vu. But can déjà vu happen this often?
December 21st
Over a week! A refreshing break. Maybe I’m not crazy. Although the nature of this one was even weirder than the last one. I was driving home from school when I saw myself sitting at the dinner table, eating SpaghettiOs with Mom. But this morning she said we’re having chicken and rice for dinner tonight. Will follow up later.
Update: We did, in fact, have chicken and rice for dinner tonight. So why did I see me eating SpaghettiOs?
December 22nd
Hey, so guess what Mom said was for dinner tonight?
I’m going to bed. I can’t handle this right now.
December 23rd
Had another episode. Me opening my Christmas presents. First off, rude, spoilers. Secondly, if what I just saw actually happens. . .this is more than déjà vu. Déjà vu is when you’re in the moment and feel like you’ve seen this before. These are predicting the future. These are visions.
December 25th
I’ve never been so horrified to get what I wanted for Christmas. It’s exactly what I envisioned. The necklace with my nickname and birthstone, the Paramore T-shirt, the fluffy pig pillow. All of it.
Am I losing my mind? Am I going insane? This is not normal. This is. . . This is scary.
I want to tell someone. But who would possibly believe me?
December 28th
Another one. This time I was talking to August, our school’s quarterback, near my locker. Why would he talk to me? I tried listening to what he was saying, but all I heard was a loud roar like a train rumbling, then I was brought out of it by my mom asking me to do the dishes.
December 29th
This time I was talking to Katie. I looked really nervous, and she looked like she was being fake happy.
December 30th
This is getting out of hand. I’m waiting for today’s vision with mounting anxiety. Every day they’re getting worse. It’s not just visions anymore. I’m getting headaches, stomachaches, and tremors. I want this to stop. Why is this happening to me? How can I make it stop? Please, make it stop!
January 1st
I just saw myself die.
January 2nd
Yesterday, I saw myself driving home in a blizzard. I couldn’t see in front of the nose of my car, even with my brights on. Snow covered everything. I heard the wind shake my car as it slowly trudged forward. Then I saw headlights, heard a car horn, heard metal crunching.
Then I was back in my room, laying on the floor, unable to breathe.
I have to talk to Mom about this.
Update: That could not have gone worse. I told her everything. When the visions started, how they’ve been increasing, how I literally just watched myself die yesterday. Not only did she not believe me, she told me I have an “overactive imagination” and “focusing that energy on college application essays will help.”
I just remembered that vision I had about Katie. Maybe that was me telling her? Maybe she’ll listen.
January 15th
Katie came over after school, and I forced myself to tell her. I said, “Katie, I don’t know how to explain this, but I think I can see the future.” She asked, “You sure it’s not just déjà vu?” I said, “Well, it started like that. But now I can actively see things before they happen, I get memories of things I haven’t done yet.” She just looked at me weirdly, and said I worry too much. “Maybe you have an anxiety disorder or something.”
Why won’t anyone believe me?
January 20th
My vision about August finally came about. Turns out he was hitting on me. Once I told him I’m not interested, he got angry and called me a prude. Good riddance.
January 29th
Every day I have more visions. They range from an hour before, a week before, sometimes even a full month before something occurs.
February 3rd
I’m having about sixty visions a day. It’s hard to get out of bed. I keep seeing my death. I try fighting them; skipping school, not eating, avoiding people. But it doesn’t work. Mom forces me up, Katie gives me a snack, August hounds me. They all play out as I saw. I can’t escape them. I can’t change them.
February 11th
I saw the face of the driver who will hit me, who will also die in the wreck.
It’s August.
February 29th
I’m going to die today.
But at this point, I’m not even scared. I just want this miserable curse gone. If that means I die, so be it.
The snow’s getting bad. I have to drive home now, but I know I won’t make it. I’ve told my parents this. They don’t believe me. Or maybe they don’t care.
I’m throwing this journal out of my car once I start driving. I don’t want my parents to see this. It would break their heart. It’ll be bad enough everyone will realize I was right once they find my body. Although, the guy who’s gonna hit me is the most popular dude at school. Everyone will be mourning his death, not mine. I’m sure they won’t give me a second thought.
I suppose that’s for the best, though. The last thing I want to be known for is being the freaky girl that could see the future then died a tragic death.
So if someone’s reading this, thank you. I’m glad someone will hear my story. You don’t have to believe it. It doesn’t matter if you do or not; I’m dead either way. But thank you for at least taking the time to read it. I hope your life holds a better hand than mine did.
Sincerely,
Cassandra
H. E. Dunkle is a page and stage storyteller, writing poems, plays, and everything in-between. She’s been writing non-stop since she graduated from the University of Sioux Falls with a B.A. in English and Theatre, and she’s had two of her plays selected for production at local theatre companies. Her current big project is tackling her first novel, which she works on alongside at least five other short-term projects.
Featured image by Matt Collamer on Unsplash.
