The last time I felt growing pains, I was graduating from college. My first column series was titled, “From College to Real World”. That transition terrified me. Where would I work? How would I make a living? What if no one was hiring? What would my five-year plan look like?
It was all very overwhelming. I look back on it now, remembering my first week out of school: I was jobless and a little bit lonely, and quite quickly, my five-year plan crumbled into dust right there at my feet.
Thank God it did.
Two weeks ago, my boyfriend became my fiancé, and this spring, he’s becoming my husband. (Yay!) Last week we returned home from our engagement trip, and I started to feel those old familiar growing pains again. The slow-spreading anxiety prompted by new plans, unknown outcomes, and––just like in college––goodbyes. Except this time, not goodbyes to my friends. Goodbyes to my family.
Now as I’m consumed with wedding planning, it’s been hard to focus on the exciting parts of my quickly approaching new life. Instead, I’m feeling the stress and fear of moving out of my home, leaving my family corner, and becoming a wife.
The other night, I was at my maid of honor’s house, and I asked a lot of questions about how her parents fared after their youngest got married and moved out. Her little brother is the one who brought me a lot of comfort.
“Everyone’s going to feel something. Good or bad, everyone will have some feeling about you getting married. I didn’t see my dad for weeks after she got married. He went through some depression.”
“Depression??” I asked, letting my head fall in my hands.
“Yeah, but not depressed that his daughter got married; that’s just life. He was adapting to change, is all.”
I’ve paused the venue search today to write this column and to start focusing beyond the wedding planning and toward the actual life after the wedding. New stresses will come, I’ll be searching for a job, and I’ll be a new homeowner, but that’s just. . . growing pains. And growing pains don’t hurt all the time. Sometimes, it’s like a nice stretch after a long nap: refreshing, much needed, and rejuvenating.
Aside from all those new experiences, I’ll also never have to go to sleep by myself ever again. I’ll never have to call him during the day just to chat because I miss him. I’ll never have to schedule times to see him. I’ll always have my movie-watching, Mr. Pibb-loving, tiramisu-eating best friend.
I might not know exactly what the next five years will hold, and I might not have wedding planning under control just yet, bI know I won’t be alone. I know it’ll be an adventure, and I know I’ll never have been happier.
M.M. Cochran is the author of YA novel Between the Ocean and the Stars and has an educational background in English and creative writing. She has worked in the journalism industry, as well as the agenting and publishing industry, and she is currently a news reporter for The Greer Citizen. M.M. can be found collecting coffee mugs, slipping into an oversized sweater, and hanging out with her standard poodle. Her debut novel, Between the Ocean and the Stars, can be found online at Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. To keep up with her writing journey, follow her on Instagram @m.m.cochran_writer.
Featured image by Ian Dooley.
