SCENE 2
Waves crash. A seagull is heard.
HEIDI sits up and removes her sunglasses. She looks around.
HEIDI
Did you hear something?
KIANA
Yeah, a seagull.
HEIDI
No, something else.
KIANA
Like what?
HEIDI
Humming. . . .
KIANA
Humming?
HEIDI
Yeah, like someone was humming a tune.
KIANA
It doesn’t look like there’s anyone around.
HEIDI
I know, but I swear I heard something.
KIANA (teasing)
Maybe the toxic fumes from all the garbage are making you hallucinate.
HEIDI
Or maybe I’m just hungry.
KIANA (still teasing)
Hunger hallucinations.
HEIDI (rifling through a zipped sack)
I need a snack.
KIANA
Never suntan on an empty stomach.
HEIDI gets out a granola bar. She eats it and then stuffs the wrapper under her chair.
HEIDI and KIANA both lay back in their chairs again and close their eyes.
BILLY enters and reaches down for the granola bar wrapper while humming. His sudden arrival startles HEIDI, which in turn startles KIANA.
HEIDI sits up and takes off her sunglasses.
HEIDI
Who the hell are you!?
BILLY
Billy!
HEIDI
What are you doing over here?
BILLY
My job!
KIANA
Mom, I don’t think that’s a. . . person.
HEIDI
You’re Billy, you said?
BILLY
Sure am!
HEIDI
And. . . what exactly. . . are you?
KIANA
I think we’re both hallucinating now.
BILLY
Nope! No hallucinations! I’m as real as can be!
KIANA
Mom, what’s going on?
HEIDI
I don’t have a clue.
BILLY
Let me put your mind at ease! What are you feeling confused about? How can I help?
HEIDI
So, you’re Billy.
BILLY
Yup! Yup!
HEIDI
And you’re doing your job.
BILLY
Yup! Yup! Yup!
HEIDI
And your job is, what, exactly?
BILLY
Why, to clean up the beach of course! See all this trash?
HEIDI
Unfortunately so.
BILLY
That’s why I was made! I was programmed to clean the beach. Seems that it’s rather bad today, but don’t fret! I’ll have this all cleaned up in no time!
KIANA
Programmed?
BILLY
Indeed!
KIANA
So you’re some kind of. . . robot?
BILLY
Exactly! And equipped with artificial intelligence! That’s how I can have this conversation with you right now. Feel free to ask me any questions or tell me how I can be of help!
HEIDI
Can you find me a starfish?
KIANA
Mom, that’s not his job.
HEIDI
It’s worth a shot.
KIANA
Hey, I have an idea. Can you make my sister less depressing to be around?
BILLY
Hmm, I’m not sure I understand.
KIANA
Neither do I.
HEIDI
Wait, I have a different question.
BILLY
Shoot!
HEIDI
Why are you called Billy?
BILLY
Well, since I work on a beach, I was given a name that starts with a B! If I worked in a Hotel, my name may have been Hector! If I worked on an airplane, my name may have been Alex! If I worked at a playground, my name may have been–
HEIDI
Okay, I get the point.
KIANA
Wait, so, there are like, a bunch of you in different places?
BILLY
Sure are! We are all programmed to clean up our designated assigned area! How lucky I am to be able to clean up a beach!
HEIDI
Well, I guess we shouldn’t keep you from your job then.
BILLY
Not a worry! I love talking to people! I can talk and work at the same time! Oops, a piece of garbage! (He reaches towards HEIDI’S hat)
HEIDI
Excuse you! That’s my hat!
BILLY
My sincerest apologies! I am still learning! Thank you for correcting me! Now I will not make that same mistake again!
KIANA
I can’t tell if I find you cute or creepy.
BILLY
Well I find you just divine! You are very pretty and have a lot of wise things to say!
KIANA
Oh. . . Okay, I think I like you.
BILLY
What are your names?
KIANA
I’m Kiana.
HEIDI
I’m Heidi.
BILLY (reaching out for a handshake)
Kiana and Heidi! A pleasure to meet you both!
BILLY shakes KIANA and then HEIDI’s hands.
HEIDI
He is kinda’ cute, I think.
BILLY
So just the two of you on vacation, then?
KIANA
Well, no. And my sister.
BILLY
Your sister! I would love to meet her. And where might I find her?
KIANNA
I dunno’. She angrily stormed off.
BILLY
What was she angry about?
HEIDI
The state of the world.
BILLY
Hmm, I’m not sure I understand.
KIANA
She got all pissy about there being trash in the water.
BILLY
Well then! I must clean it up before she gets back!
KIANA
It’s no use. She’s all freaked out because of climate change and greenhouse gasses and everything.
BILLY
Hmm, well I’m afraid I can’t change that, but I can take care of the trash in the water.
HEIDI
But you’re a robot, how can you go in the water?
BILLY
I am waterproof up to my waist! As long as I don’t go any deeper, none of my hardware programming will be affected!
KIANA
How deep is the water?
BILLY
I don’t know. I’ve never gone further than up to my waist.
KIANA
Fair enough. Well, when you get some of that garbage cleaned up, I might go for a swim.
BILLY
Then I shall do an even better job just for you!
KIANA
God, you’re nice.
BILLY
And so are you, Kiana!
HEIDI
Kiana, stop flirting with the robot.
BILLY
She’s only being friendly! That’s the kind of person she is.
KIANA
See? That’s the kind of person I am.
HEIDI
Wait till he meets Miranda. I wanna’ see what good things he’ll have to say about her.
BILLY
Miranda! Now is that your other daughter?
HEIDI
Yup.
BILLY
Can’t wait to meet her!
HEIDI
Hoooo boy.
BILLY
But I really should start cleaning up the water, especially if you’re going to go for a swim later, and so it can be clean for your sister when she gets back.
KIANA
Well all right. Thanks, Billy.
BILLY
No, thank you! (He exits, humming)
Gillian Corsiatto hails from Alberta, Canada, right between two major cities: Calgary and Edmonton. She has been a lifelong writer, and her first book Duck Light was published in 2021. Since then, she has been motivated to keep at her writing and further it into an established career, even branching out into writing for the theatre. Currently, a sequel to Duck Light is underway, but she still pumps out scripts and short stories whenever an idea creeps into her mind. You can find her mostly at her writing desk, probably with a cat in her lap, and maybe even spinning a fidget spinner. She thinks those are still cool.
Featured image by Luke Dean Weymark.
