FOXY and BELLE BREYER sit at a table reserved specifically for them. The table is marked with a ‘reserved’ sign with both of their names. They have just finished a show and are both still in extensive drag costumes. They have some makeup and some makeup-removing wipes with them that they set down. BARTENDER hands them drink menus.
FOXY Bar doesn’t close for a bit. We have enough time for a few drinks.
BELLE BREYER Are they on the house? For performers?
FOXY I’ve done shows here before. First one is. Anything after that is full price.
BELLE BREYER Have you tried the margaritas?
FOXY Mhm.
BELLE BREYER Are they good?
FOXY Not as good as their beer.
BELLE BREYER Drinking beer dressed as a lady feels like a sin.
FOXY Ladies can’t drink beer?
BELLE BREYER Do they still serve food?
FOXY Not this late.
BELLE BREYER Well, maybe I’ll just get a beer. What kind are you getting?
FOXY Why do you always need me to make decisions for you?
BELLE BREYER You’ve been in the drag business much longer than I have.
FOXY And what’s that got to do with choosing a drink to order?
BELLE BREYER It doesn’t. I’m just saying I trust your judgment.
FOXY Trust your own judgment.
BELLE BREYER The same judgment that came to the decision that I, a man, should dress myself in pink, glitter, high heels, a dress, a wig, and name myself after a Disney princess and the horse toys from my childhood that my sister use to play with?
FOXY Ohhh. Belle Breyer. I get it now. I mean, I got the princess part, but the Breyer part didn’t really mean anything until now. I remember those toys. Did you know they make collectible ones that are, like, really expensive?
BELLE BREYER Seventeen more of these drag shows and I’ll finally have enough spare cash to buy a used one off eBay.
FOXY Do you actually still use eBay? Is eBay still relevant?
BELLE BREYER I’m just gonna’ get a beer.
FOXY (teasing) I think I’ll get a margarita. (calling and waving to BARTENDER) We’re ready!
BARTENDER comes to the table.
BARTENDER And what can I get you, um, ladies?
FOXY You still got that 10% beer?
BARTENDER Yup.
FOXY And first one is free?
BARTENDER Yup.
FOXY One of those for me, please.
BELLE BREYER Me too.
BARTENDER Gotcha’. Be back in a slice.
BARTENDER leaves.
BELLE BREYER Well, I told you the story behind my name. What’s the story behind yours? Why “Foxy?”
FOXY is dressed in an outfit entirely inspired by foxes. She answers with a blank, deadpan stare.
Beat
BELLE BREYER That was a stupid question.
FOXY You know, actually, I’m thinking about retiring the fox theme.
BARTENDER serves the two beers.
BELLE BREYER Thanks.
BARTENDER Enjoy. Let me know if you want a song put on. We got the speakers up and running from the show still.
BARTENDER leaves.
BELLE BREYER Why? Aren’t foxes, like, your thing?
FOXY Hear me out.
BELLE BREYER Okay.
FOXY Elephants.
BELLE BREYER Right. And what would your new name be? You’d obviously have to retire “Foxy.”
FOXY Okay, hear me out.
BELLE BREYER Yup, I’m here.
FOXY Ellie.
BELLE BREYER In hindsight, I should’ve seen that coming.
FOXY I had another idea.
BELLE BREYER Yeah?
FOXY Alligators.
BELLE BREYER And name?
FOXY Allie.
BELLE BREYER I honestly can’t tell if you’re just messing with me or not.
FOXY At this point, I can’t either.
BELLE BREYER Well, all I know is, I’m not retiring the pink theme. If anything, I could add more pink.
BELLE BREYER is dressed entirely in pink.
Beat
FOXY How?
BELLE BREYER Pink wig, maybe?
FOXY I think you’re pink enough. Anyway, cheers.
They clink glasses and take a drink.
BARTENDER comes back to the table carrying two more drinks.
FOXY What are these?
BARTENDER Same beer. Don’t worry, they’re paid for.
BELLE BREYER By who?
BARTENDER They wish to stay anonymous.
BELLE BREYER Well, I’d just like to know, so I can thank them.
BARTENDER I don’t think they need a thanks. Said they liked your show tonight. Found it very entertaining.
FOXY They liked it enough that they got us free beers? We must be doing something right.
BARTENDER Yeah, apparently it was their first drag show. Didn’t know what they were in for but ended up really having a good time. Cheers, ladies.
FOXY Cheers.
BELLE BREYER Cheers.
BARTENDER leaves.
BELLE BREYER Well that’s kinda’ awesome.
FOXY Wanna’ dance?
BELLE BREYER What?
FOXY (slow and deliberately) Do you. Want to. Dance.
BELLE BREYER Hell, why not.
FOXY Hold on, we need a song. Bartender! Play Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, please.
BARTENDER Got it.
FOXY It’s my signature song if you couldn’t tell.
Bad Romance comes on.
At this point, both queens are up on their feet. They take each other’s hands and lip sync to the song while dancing extravagantly, in a very drag queen fashion.
FOXY does a solo dance section, then BELLE BREYER follows with another solo dance section. Once both are done, they continue to dance together.
Mid-song, BARTENDER serves them two more beers. The queens pick up the glasses and chug, very much encouraged by the few bar goers.
After their impromptu performance, they take a bow. They sit back at their table. FOXY fans herself with her hand.
BELLE BREYER That’s show biz, baby!
FOXY Oh girl, we are the mayors of Drag Queen City!
Both laugh boisterously.
Gillian Corsiatto hails from Alberta, Canada, right between two major cities: Calgary and Edmonton. She has been a lifelong writer, and her first book Duck Light was published in 2021. Since then, she has been motivated to keep at her writing and further it into an established career, even branching out into writing for the theatre. Currently, a sequel to Duck Light is underway, but she still pumps out scripts and short stories whenever an idea creeps into her mind. You can find her mostly at her writing desk, probably with a cat in her lap, and maybe even spinning a fidget spinner. She thinks those are still cool.
Featured image by Gonzalo Remy.
